The Post I Will Probably Delete

Tonight I did something that most teachers have done but few people have seen. 

I cried.

After I tucked my children into bed, I went into a room alone, closed the door, and cried. I wept until my eyes burned and I thought I had no more tears left. 

I knew this was coming.  Even at dinner, one of my girls asked what was wrong.

I tried to explain.
I told them I was sad because sometimes life is just really sad.
It is hard to watch a student make a terrible mistake they will pay for for the rest of their lives.
It is hard to see a student slowly give up.
It is terrible to watch a student sell themselves short because they feel like they have no options.

It is horrible to think that I might have done more.
Some kids have few friends. Sure. But what if that student felt like they had no allies?
What if I could have stepped in, spoken a word, smiled, been a comforting presence?

My children just blinked at me, quietly nodding, but not really grasping the enormity of my burden. 
So we talked about allies in a school. 
"If you had a problem, not a small problem, a big one, who would you go to?"
"You mean like bullying?
Yes, bullying. 
Or being pressured by bad friends. 
Or not feeling like you are safe. 
Or being afraid, really afraid.
Or having no food at home.
Or having no coat. 

And all of this was theoretical for them, because it is hard to grasp a situation that you aren't in.

So after I tucked them in, I cried.  Then I though that I should shed some words along with the tears. But who would I speak to?

To Parents:
I genuinely love your kids.  I laugh with them. I hurt for them. After I put my children to sleep, I sometimes lie awake worrying about yours.  

How can I be better at what I do in order to help them? Everyone needs to know that someone has their back.  How can I show your children that I am that person?

I am on your team! And yes, we are a team. I am here to help you grow your child into the best person they can be. Neither of us can do it alone. 

Teachers get a lot of badmouthing from a lot of sources--the media, parents (sorry), rumors, the government, students--and that makes us look like fools or incompetents at best and evildoers at worst. But the fact is that the very great majority of teachers are good at what they do. They care about your children. They worry about them. They struggle to do more and be better. They do the best with what they have and do whatever it takes to do more. 

I really am doing the best I can to get your children's Chromebooks to work and help them use their Google Drive. I am always working to get them access to the resources they need. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to get them the books they want and the books they need. I stay late on most days--very late many days--not because I love my office, but because I love my job. I love your children. I am honored that I get to be in their lives and help them.

And I am always trying to do more, be more, for them. 

To Students:
I am your ally. 
I have your back.
If you have a problem, you can come to me. 
If you need information on something that is difficult or scary or even terrifying, I will get you that information. 
I respect your privacy, and I value your mind. 
I want to help you.

Sometimes that means correcting you or disciplining.  If a detention can keep you from making a bad decision in the future, it is worth it. If it can help you develop responsibility and organization, and good habits, it is worth it.  
Believe me, if I didn't care, I wouldn't correct you.
  
When you feel like not a single person in school knows or cares or understands, I do. 
I care about you.
I notice when you look sad. 
I see when you are worried.
I understand when life seems too hard. 
I notice when you are missing a lot of school.  
I care about you, and I would do anything in my power to help you, protect you, and support you. 
I am your ally.

The library is a safe place.  It is a welcoming space. It is your space.  

When you need a sanctuary, when you need a place to go , when you can't breathe or your heart is breaking or your day is falling apart, the library is a safe place for you.
And I am here to help you. 
I am your ally.   

To Other Educators:
I want to be a resource for you as well as students. If there is a way I can do that better, please tell me.  
Is there a topic we need to have books or you need resources about?
Is there something I am messing up? I am tough. I can take it. 
Is someone struggling with an issue I can help with?
Are you struggling and need help?
I want to support you, because I know how hard your job is. 
We laugh together and talk together, but beyond that, we all share a deep and profound responsibility to build up the next generation. Sometimes that is fantastic. At times it is exhausting. Sometimes it wears you down to the bone. 
If there is any way I can help you in your task, please tell me. 
I don't know everything, but I will do everything in my power to get you that resource, that information, that whatever that you need.

To Anyone Else:
Being a teacher (a librarian is a teacher!) is the best job in the world. You get to help people build the foundations of their lives. 

You get to work with young people who are funny and smart and inquisitive and genuine.  If you want an honest answer, ask a kid (then brace yourself!). 

Being a teacher is a chance to help young people decide who they are and who they are not. You get to help them discover ideas and critically evaluate the beliefs and values that will shape them, their families, their communities. 
It is hard, but it is so worth it. 

Nobody becomes a teacher to ruin kids' lives. Nobody becomes a teacher to give dozens of standardized tests. No teacher likes the paperwork (most of which is redundant or useless).

If you are not an educator, student, or parent, you still have a vested interest in the schools in your community. The entire community benefits from a well educated populace. 

Find out how you can help at your school. 
Volunteer. 
Donate (time, money, talents). 
Advocate. 
Talk to your legislators.
Go to school board meetings. 
Listen to the teachers about their concerns. The teachers really are trying to help and build and educate.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I look back at my life, at those difficult moments, those crossroads when I could have made a very serious mistake or had to make a life changing decision, always, always at those crossroads were teachers.

Mr. Wooten. 
Mrs. Crabtree.
Mrs. Drebenstedt
Dr. Cook

I am not so vain as to believe that I will be on that exclusive list some of my now-students will write 30 years in the future. 

But it is important to me that today, this day, and the next, and the next, that they know I am here. 
I am here to listen and help. 
I have their backs.
And even if they don't want my help, I still worry about them and care for them. 
Yes, sometimes I even cry for them. 

But then I wipe my eyes, get ready for bed, and set my alarm so I can get up and do it all again, always with the hope that tomorrow I can make a difference.  

The Stars Look Very Different Today

Yesterday I woke up to the news that David Bowie had died. He had just turned 69 and had battled cancer for a year and a half, so his death wasn't surprising. 

But it was startling.

It was startling to me because David Bowie is one of those timeless people who reinvents himself so often that he has an aura of immortality to him.  

Whether a person likes his music or not, it is hard to discount his relevance to the arts. Music. Performance art. Movies. Television. It is hard to find an artist over the age of 20 that doesn't have a "David Bowie influenced me" moment. 

How does a person get those sorts of accolades from everyone from Madonna to Marilyn Manson to David Cameron (Prime Minister of England)? 

"David Bowie 1976" by Jean-Luc - CC BY-SA 2.0

How is anyone so diverse and so influential? 

This is a guy who could so convincingly switch from being Ziggy Stardust to Aladdin Sane to the Thin White Duke to Jareth the Goblin King.

This is also a guy who, in 1983, at the height of its influence, took MTV very publicly to task for not representing black artists. Bowie was willing to take a stand for what was right.

One does not just come up with the idea of selling the

intellectual property rights to one's future music collection by being brainless. Bowie did just that, and the Bowie Bond was born (and provided a 17% ROI).

 

So, how does this happen? How is someone a writer, musician, poet, playwright, actor, advocate, businessperson, revolutionary, visionary? 

It is in no small part due to the fact that Bowie was really, really well read. 

This is a guy who, it was said, read, at times,  a book a day. 

This is a guy who, when answering the Proust Questionnaire said things such as:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?ReadingWhat is the quality you most like in a man?The ability to return books.

At times it is easy to look at musicians and discount them as empty headed  performers. David Bowie was not this. He was a musician, yes, but he was also an intellectual of substance, and he got that way at least in part by reading. 

He was quick to talk about books and their influence on his life.  Taking a look at his 100 Top Books List is enough to give anyone a case of the vapors. 

• The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz, 2007
• A People’s History of the United States, Howard Zinn, 1980
• The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind, Julian Jaynes, 1976
• The Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov, 1967

I think one of the truly powerful lessons here is that reading can be an important part of one's life. For anyone. It isn't just teachers and librarians and Bill Gates who reads. David Bowie became who he was, at least in part, because of a lifelong habit of reading.  He became someone who created and shared and influenced.

Reading shapes us. It expands our minds and opens new worlds.  It has the power to make us different. New. Better. 

Reading may not make you the Goblin King or Ziggy Stardust. Only one person could embody both of those, and that one person was David Bowie. The world is a little less bright without him.

PHS Reads!

There are so many amazing things coming up in the next few moths, I can hardly stand it!

The first is something I have personally been thinking about for some time and just decided to start and see what happens.

Not long ago I was listening to a news story (I believe on NPR, but all of the search in the world has not helped me find it) about a school that turned around a lot of its problems through creating an intentional, institutional focus on graduation and post-high-school decisions.  From the moment freshmen walked in the door the staff--teachers, admin, custodians, coaches, everyone--encouraged talk about how classes were doing, were kids on track to graduate, and what was the plan for afterward.

I spend a lot of time in the library and around books and reading material, so I personally am immersed in such an atmosphere, but many people aren't. So the question is, how can we create a culture of reading? Teachers reading and talking about their books. Students reading and talking about what they read.  Perhaps even having people read the same things to be able to talk about it.

So we started PHS Reads!  I printed signs for all of the high school staff and they hung them by their doors.  This way, students know what teachers are reading.  They can talk about books and get ideas.  But more than that, they can know that teachers read. They read non school stuff!

When some hesitated (What if I am judged on what I read?), this was a good chance to go over the mantra; repeat after me: All reading is good reading.
Books. 
Magazines. 
Newspapers. 
Romance. Westerns. 
50 Shades of Grey or A Tale of Two Cities. 
John Grisham or Dave Eggers.
For every reader there is a book. 
Hard copy or eReader.
Audiobook. 
First time through or reading for the 50th time. 
All reading is good reading.  

Success! A Victorious Update

I could not be more surprised. Happy! Elated! And almost speechless. Almost. ;-)

In an reverse of the previous decision, CPS announced that Sara Sayigh, the librarian at the South Side’s DuSable Campus, would keep her job. The official word is that this was funded by an "anonymous donation".  

There are a lot of important lessons and warning from this entire experience. 

1. What a powerful lesson for the students of DuSable that peaceful protests work.  Social media is a tool to be wielded to bring about decisions that are just and fair. And these are accessible to students, young people , all people who are interested in pursuing what is right and good. 
2. The Chicago Teacher's Union voted to authorize a strike should negotiations not go well.  If this cut-essential-staff-mid-year tactic is any sign, this is going to be a long several months. But
3. It is important to realize that often issues of teacher contractual negotiations are not just about money.  The DuSable incident gave the wider world a rare glance into the dynamics of schools and the politics there.  At the heart of this issue is that students deserve the best education they can get. That means getting the best teachers that are available, equipping them, treating them with fairness, and empowering them to teach students and affect change. 

I can think of no better comment on the entire situation than s. Sayigh's own words:

"Since 2012 when ⅔ of CPS schools had a librarian, half of those positions have been cut resulting in a system where only ⅓ of CPS schools have librarians as of the beginning of this school year 2015-16. Even more have been cut during this school year...Once the librarian is cut, the library is nothing more than a room, and the collection is dispersed and ruined. Many studies have shown the importance of school librarians but rather than cite them here, I urge you to find a single privileged person whose child goes to a school without a librarian and library. Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s children go to the Lab Schools where there are 7 or 8 librarians." (emphasis added)

In which I get a wee bit angry

Late last week I began seeing postings online about the students at DuSable Campus in Chicago.  The students were staging a read-in; 200 students left class, lined the halls, and quietly read.  Why would they do such a  thing? 

CPS laid off their librarian.

This, in all honesty, should have come as a surprise to no one.  According to the Chicago Sun Times, 

"Sara Sayigh was one of Chicago’s last full-time librarians in a majority black high school; only Morgan Park High School’s and Chicago Vocational’s remain, according to Chicago Teachers Union data."

It is in keeping with a disturbing trend. Cities across the country are cutting librarians (by which I mean qualified, trained, certified staff) at a faster rate than other teachers. In fact, in some larger cities, it is a near epidemic.  In the city of Philadelphia there are 214 public schools and only 16 certified librarians. 16! 

One of the worst offenders has been Chicago, where Mayor Emanuel has gotten quite a lot of press for cutting librarians for the CPS (while still having the audacity to hold press conferences in the librarianless libraries). 

As a librarian, this trend bothers me. The research is very clear.

• Students in districts with certified librarians perform better on tests.  This is irrespective of socio-economic levels. 

• Districts with certified librarians have greater support for classroom teachers. 

• Students in districts with certified librarians are more college and career ready. 

• For many students, especially in rural districts, the school library is the first and best library to which they have access. Which makes the staffing important. 

But even with all of that aside, as far as I am concerned, this is an issue of social justice.

They aren't just cutting a librarian. They are cutting one of the few remaining librarians in predominantly African American schools.

This image was all over my Facebook news feed this weekend:

Meanwhile, I got an email not too long ago that New Trier High School (4% low income, 0% English language learners, 83% white) was looking for MLIS (Masters of Library and Information Science: the degree librarians must have, in most cases) students (so, people who already have a bachelors degree and are working through a masters) to work as substitutes when their certified librarians are away at conferences or presenting or doing any of the amazing things New Trier's librarians do. They not only have librarians, but they hire qualified staff to be subs for those librarians. 

There is not a chance in the world that New Trier would consider cutting all its librarians. Zero chance.  But they also don't have to make that decision because New Trier is not financially strapped (like CPS is), and even if it were, the community would never stand for such an outrage. And the community is backed by the one thing that matters most: wealth. (power, influence, privilege, all of this boils down to wealth)

Yet poor districts, districts with high percentages of minority students, and districts that are cash-strapped and need to cut often start with the librarian, replacing the certified full time teacher librarian with an aide, a parent, or a volunteer.

Why do they do this? Because they can. 

The Chicago Teachers Union has said that, "just 7 percent of high schools with at least a 90 percent African-American student body has a librarian, meaning two out of 28 schools; and of the 46 high schools with a predominantly back student population, only 15 percent have librarians. Thirty-two percent of all high schools in the district have a librarian on staff. The numbers have fallen dramatically since the 2012-2013 school year when 61 percent of majority African-American schools had a librarian, while 63 percent of all CPS high schools had a librarian on hand."

This is an outrage. An absolute disgrace.

Students have a right to a quality education., That means access to books, information technology, and educational support. Those three are the pillars at the heart of librarianship. 

It is completely unacceptable to rob children of an education. It is even more so to do this to historically disadvantaged students, such as those in poverty and members of minorities. 

The only true path out of poverty is education. Period. And it is reprehensible to steal that one tool from the students who most need it and least have access to it through other means.  

This is an issue of educational malpractice. It cannot stand. 

So, what can anyone do? 

A petition has been started. Please sign it. 

Hashtags to follow/retweet/signal boost include the following: #SaveOurLibrary   #dusomething  #cantSHUSHthis

Talk about this. 

Advocate. 

Be the voice for the voiceless. 

Don't let the issue drop.
Don't let it disappear.
Don't let this happen quietly.
Don't let this happen.  

A little ambiance goes a long way

For the month of December (and not a moment before! That is Thanksgiving time.) we have been decorating the school. I figured this was a good chance to showcase the media center, and the kids have really enjoyed it!

Challenges, Generosity, and Progress

Last night, I went to a meeting of the Education Foundation. I had the opportunity to share with them some of the challenges the libraries in our district face as well as presenting my vision and the plan to make that a reality.  I shared with them a brief presentation on some of the issues, the data, and where we stand. 

Afterward, I asked for their support moving forward with updating the libraries.  

One of the most difficult part of this process is asking for help. 

I am a fixer. 
I like helping people. 
I love solving problems. 
I love to make things work. 

And it is difficult knowing that I can't solve this. 

I have ideas and plans and a vision, but it takes partnerships. And it takes money. 

A big part of working in education is doing more with less.  The perpetual idea that "there is no money for _____, so make a work-around" is disheartening.  It can feel isolating and desperate at times.

But the thing is, people who are not in education (or not entirely in it) often do want to help,  but have no idea how. They see what is happening in schools and wish there were something that could be done. They too feel isolated from the issues.

Which is why connections can be so powerful. 

When I spoke with the Ed Foundation, I was very frank. I was honest about where we are and what we need. 

And I asked for money. Doing so is very very difficult.  I asked for a fairly large amount (in my opinion), though it is, as I told them, the tip of the tip of the iceberg.

They listened. They asked questions. They saw the need and felt that connection. They wanted to help. 

They gave the libraries more money than I asked for, and indicated they would make such a contribution in years to come.  

I am a proudly stoic person, but I cried as I drove home.  
I cried because of the resources the kids will get. 
I cried because of the hope that the Ed Foundation's generosity brought. 
I cried because there are people in the community who really, genuinely care about our kids, and I wish every single kid knew that.  
Many don't.
But they will. 
They will know it (whether they realize it or not) when they hold new books in their hands. 
They will see it.  

And it is moments like these that I feel must be a sea change.  We are on the move.  It is not going to happen overnight, but we are on the move.  
And the generosity of the Ed Foundation brings progress, hope, and a path. 

Rats, I think I have some dust in my eye. Again. 

Seen and Unseen

One of the tricky aspects of my job is that a lot of the things I do go largely unseen. Collection development, running reports, writing reports, writing grants, sending emails, filling out forms, attending webinars, those are all important aspects of running a library though the average person never sees any of it. 

Which makes it really amazing when a project comes to fruition and people can see the work. 

At the beginning of the school year, I made a list of things I really wanted to happen in the high school library to make the space more open, inviting, and useful.  One of those was to move the large shelving unit that blocked the windows int he front corner of the media center. 

The shelving didn't match the rest of the units in the nonfiction section and it was bulky. Many of the items on the front facing side were out of date or in poor repair, and the great majority of the items were never used. (Though the issue of weeding is one I will save for another day) 

After some extensive weeding and reorganization, it looked like it really was going to be feasible to move the cabinet.  

That's when it all got fun. 

In order to maximize the shelving in the nonfiction section, we needed to remove a shelving unit with three columns and put in this one with four.  But because of a quirk of installation and a poorly placed thermostat, in reality, all of the non fiction shelving had to be moved.  

Which means that they all needed to be emptied. 

I do enjoy a challenge, but the idea of such an effort struck fear in my heart. I told my media aides a dozen times: speed is not the issue; the books must stay in order. And with two very small exceptions, it actually worked.

First we had to take all the books off the shelves. In order. 

Keeping them in order was quite a project. We went shelf by shelf and used a grid system. Shelf 1, Rows A, B, C,D, E. 

Thank heavens for sticky notes. 

Once the books were off, we had to remove all of the shelves. 

After the shelving was off, the units were moved. One moved out, the other two shifted, and the fourth one into the empty space created. 

Then we had to put the individual shelves back on. This let us correct the crooked/misaligned shelving issue that was aesthetically annoying. 

Then all the books had to go back on. We went in reverse  order, since that made it easier to maintain the order. 

That area is now open! Light comes in freely and the space is much less cluttered and more usable. 

All the books went back on in a way that allowed us to not use the bottom shelf. This had been a concern for a while since many kids simply wouldn't look on the bottom shelf, but it is also a concern for anyone with mobility issues. 

I was able to put in a rectangular table, opening up that sunlight space as a work area. 

The entire project was a lot of work, but what a result! The space is more open, more usable, and more accessible. It did take a lot of hands on work and planning, but was worth every bit!

Authors are People, and People are Complicated

Last week, I had the chance to meet Daniel Handler aka Lemony Snicket aka author of the wildly successful Series of Unfortunate Events books when he spoke at a conference I attended. I was really looking forward to listening to him and moved when he spoke, which is a complicated feeling for me, because not long ago he did something despicable.

Handler is a big, grouchy, gruff man whose wit is sharp and words are sharper.  He tells great stories, uses words as the powerful tools they are, and gathers the audience collectively under his power as he spins a tale. He had a lot of great things to say about libraries, books, and the way adults recommend books to kids. Handler weaves such a compelling tale of why, in his books, often there are no happy endings and things don't make sense.  When he spoke about his childhood love of libraries,

their continual presence in his life, I actually teared up. His honesty was refreshing and his observations keen. He was a joy to listen to. 

And I felt very conflicted about that. In fact, initially, I had been reticent about going to hear him at all. 

About a year ago, Handler was one of the hosts of the National Book Awards (Of which I am, admittedly, a fan). The prize for young adult literature went to Jacqueline Woodson and her novel Brown Girl Dreaming. This book is a work of art.  It is beautiful, fun, sharp. It is a book in verse while still seeming to fall from the tongue like the moments of everyday life.  Woodson wrote of her young life, growing up as a black girl in a world of complicated dynamics and paradigms.  She is a master of words, and in her book she talks about a young love of hers blossoming, that of writing. 

The book won the National Book Award and was a Newberry Honor. It was received the Sibert Honor, the Coretta Scott King Award, and the NAACP Image Award.  Woodson was later named the Poetry Foundation's Young People's Poet Laureate. 

At the ceremony, Handler made a racist joke.

It wasn't an accident. It wasn't a slip of the tongue.  It was the end of a Handler-esque series of sentences with a pause for effect. It was planned out. It was a racist joke. At the award ceremony where Woodson was being honored. Woodson's work was in the limelight. Her story of words and beauty and struggle and creativity was the spotlight. 

And this ignoramus made a racist joke.  To try to cover it, he clumsily followed up with a comment sweeping Cornel West, Toni Morrison and Barack Obama into the mess.

Handler spent months apologizing. 

But how does one apologize for having a heart that tries to amuse with a racist joke? And how does one listen to such a person with respect and admiration?

What about his books? Does the fact that the author is a horrible person lesson the value of his literature? 

Welcome to the slippery slope!

And welcome to the tricky, treachery of the uneven moral ground. 


I can't watch Woody Allen movies, as I am so repulsed by him, yet Roman Polanski's The Pianist is a masterpiece. Both men have been accused of and been proven to have committed disgusting sexual crimes. Yet, somehow, a line is drawn.

We hear all the time about the wicked life of Lord Byron and the terrible parenting of Hemingway. 

Bill Cosby's Little Bill books are well written, engaging, visually appealing, and presenting diverse characters.  But they are written by Bill Cosby, who has now been accused of rape by over 50
women. Yet the books have literary merit. But the rape allegations. 

That feeling? That is the tenuous position we take on shaky moral ground. 

What about Stephen Ambrose, whose works as a writer and an academic form an impressive body of work? Yet with the power of the internet, those works were investigated and Ambrose's sterling reputation tarnished by allegations of plagiarism. 

Lance Armstrong's memoir: nonfiction or fiction?

The instances go on because, at the core is the fact that authors are people, and people are complicated. 

So there I sat, in a duality of both loathing Handler's comments and being moved to tears by other comments of his.  

And there I still sit.  Some people have asked that all of the Cosby books be removed from libraries.  Those books will be read by children!

For me, the question is less about who gets to decide and whether the life of the author weighs into whether the book has literary merit.  

As unclean as it makes me feel, I think the answer is no. There are children reading the Little Bill books, seeing characters who look like them (in a publishing world of precious little diversity), represent their lives and their values. Bill Cosby's horrific actions are separate from that. 

And for that reason--the separateness of the author's personal life and the value of the work--I listened to Daniel Handler.  I appreciated what he had to say and enjoyed his storytelling skills. And I did all of this while firmly believing that what he said about Woodson was horrific. 

Yes, it is moral shaky ground, and one day I may revise my assessment. But for today, his inexcusable actions diminish Daniel Handler, the man, not his body of work.